Day 9.5 - What It Feels Like NOT to Be on Sugar and Gluten and Dairy

I started this 31-Day challenge at the same time and day as beginning a new dietary protocol I designed myself to stop overeating for emotional avoidance.

My protocal means I can intentionally (meaning planned) meat, fish, vegetables, fruit, whole grains, oils, and nuts and seeds.

I am NOT eating sugar, anything made from any flour, and dairy.

I have done a version of this before when I did Whole30 three times, and each time I felt great, until I tried a favorite treat and the whole thing went off the rails.

The part I was missing was the mindset piece (which I can now appreciate as a coach).

I had INTENSE cravings for sugar and junk food when I did Whole30, a documented phenomenon they refer to in the plan as "Kill All The Things" day.

I dreamed about food I wanted and tasting it, only to have to start my resistance plan all over again.

The part that all diets I've ever tried never addressed is what was going on in my head that made it so damn hard to quit eating addicting foods.

And yeah, they are addicting. They're designed that way.

I WANTED to overeat an entire pizza by myself. A bag of cookies. A brownie with half a pint of ice cream. SO many points, calories, whatever measuring system you're following currently.

And I had serious thoughts like, "Nothing feels as good as that hit when I eat something sweet," and "I just want it. I don't want to deprive myself."

I had to recognize that these thoughts were happening because I wasn't allowing myself to EVER experience discomfort by not giving into an urge, and food was often a great way to numb out or escape uncomfortable feelings and thoughts I didn't want to face (about everything from my business to my relationships to how I was spending my time).

It was not great, and I had to be willing to accept and allow uncomfortable feelings again (if I ever had?) in order to move on.

I want to be the kind of person that has way more exciting things happening in my life besides food.

And I discovered as I was going through sugar withdrawal that I was sometimes just eating junk to get back to normal from feeling sluggish, foggy, and miserable.

And I have a great life. That's kind of the point. Why was I running away from myself so much into food?

As I weened off the junk, the familiar physiological and emotions carvings and pangs came up, as I knew they would from experience.

But this time, I allowed them.

I even kept Kraft mac n cheese and Ben and Jerry's and Toaster Strudles in the house SPECIFICALLY to make myself uncomfortable and see what drama I was hiding from myself.

It turns out that when you're willing to face your discomfort, the cravings and the withdrawal pass SHOCKINGLY fast.

I got past my sugar slump in about 5. Days.

I'm still experiencing withdrawal symptoms (headaches, up in the middle of the night, hunger pangs at inconsistent times), but I don't have the psychological drama I indulged in the last few times I restricted my diet and didn't change my cravings at all.

NOW.

I'm writing blog posts. CATCH UP. Blog posts.

I sat down and wrote content this morning for my business for AN HOUR. My goal was a base of 10 minutes. My email inboxes have 40 fewer emails than before Christmas because I'm actually dealing with things and making decisions.

And weirdly? I don't have an executive disfunction, but I'm finding myself following through on simple things all the time, naturally.

Shoes that haven't made it directly into the closet for over a year are suddenly always on the shoe rack.

The kitchen counters are always clear and the dishes don't pile up because the dishwasher is always available.

I'm hanging up my coat every time, which lives in my office closet in almost the farthest place you can find in the house away from either door.

I didn't even KNOW that changing my diet and allowing cravings to come and go naturally would even help me with basic stuff.

I feel on top of my shit and focused for the first time in a long time.

I feel AWAKE.

And I would not trade a cookie, a donut, a cake, or even pizza for that.

Day 9 complete.

See you soon.

Warmest vibes,

Steph