How Reversing the Golden Rule Could Help You Make Actual Progress

Hello my dear,

I bet I know something about you that often goes completely unacknowledged (and possibly unthanked).

I'm willing to bet that if you're reading this article, you're probably the kind of person who gives A LOT to others while taking care of yourself is at the very bottom of your to-do list.

So far at the bottom that sometimes you don't get to check off "take care of myself" at all.

Whether you're a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), or simply a generous and giving person, SO many of us run into this problem.

You feel constantly drained, frustrated, resentful, disrespected, unappreciated, or any combination of those things.

You have a never-ending list of tasks and errands to get done, and you often take on MORE things other people don't want to do (or, let's face it, that you think you can do "better" or more easily) in order to keep things moving.

You get so burnt out from prioritizing everyone (and everyTHING) before yourself that you have a Crash Day where you don't get out of bed, you sit in front of the TV all day, you "treat" yourself to junk food, or you try any other coping mechanism that helps fill your cup even a little bit because you JUST CAN'T RIGHT NOW!

I have so been there, and I take a full day every week to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING as a result.

It helps prevent the burn out before it even starts.

Why do we put ourselves through the ringer every day?

It could be any number of reasons like you:

• Love to play the hero, to swoop in and save the day
  

• Don't trust others to do things to your high standards
  

• Think you don't deserve to be at the top of the list (that's selfish, lazy, indulgent, unrealistic)
  

• Were taught that you take care of others first (that's what makes a "good" person)

Here's the thing though.

Ever hear the phrase, "you teach others how to treat you?"

Well, you're teaching yourself, all the time, how to treat yourself AND how others should treat you.

And the message you're currently sending (when you're so busy doing for everyone else that you've got nothing left for yourself) is that you don't deserve to be taken care of. You're capable and thoughtful, and you don't need any help or support.

"Don't worry about me. I've got it covered!"

Then you're hurt and annoyed when no one offers to help and support you.

Well, of course they don't! You've taught them not to think about your needs and preferences because even YOU don't think about yourself.

You're so busy helping and caring for everyone else, so someone should have your back too, right?

How about you have your own back and trust others to survive without you for an hour or two?

Here's where you probably need a SERIOUS revamp of the Golden Rule.

The Golden Rule states: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

This rule is great for when you're a kid and developing a whole brain and identity and forget that other people exist in the world besides you.

This rule is NOT great when you're an adult with an overdeveloped sense of needing to take care of everyone else at the expense of yourself.

So today, I propose that you keep being the generous, kind, thoughtful person you are, and flip the Golden Rule on its head!

This is your new Platinum Rule: Treat yourself as well as you treat every other person you give your time, energy, and attention to.

You deserve gratitude, care, and love from yourself just as much as everyone else you're constantly supporting.

You deserve to have time to yourself to feel satisfied and whole, by doing things that fill you up, not by temporarily saving someone else.

You deserve to have a full life and to be treated as important and valuable - because you are important and valuable!

Try out this thought anytime you're feeling burnt out, overdrawn, and done:

"It's okay to treat myself as well as I treat others."

No more mean judgements.

No more snarky comments to make yourself feel guilty or ashamed.

Guilt and shame make you avoid and procrastinate, not get more done.

The Golden Rule had good intentions, but you've taken it on too much, my dear.

Let that old rule go and start teaching yourself how you want to be treated.

Others will follow.

Big, warm vibes,

Steph