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The Simple Shift that will Improve Relationships, Skyrocket Productivity, and Change Your Life

Big title right?

This is a serious game-changer though, and I'll tell you all about it.

First, let's set the stage a little bit.

Do you notice throughout the day that you want your partner to be more encouraging or more passionate or more present?

Do you wish you had more support with your work, people you could trust to pass things off to that will get the job done right?

Do you look to food, binging Netflix, or calling a friend to make you feel better when you're having a bad day?

I think I can safely say, of course you have! We've all had those thoughts at some point, and we're going to continue to have those moments as we go through our lives being the lovely, imperfect beings we are.

So if this is a normal thing, then what's the problem?

Are we doomed to feel disappointed or frustrated or discouraged and there's nothing we can do about it?

I'm hearing those late night informercials where someone inevitably says "There must be a better way!"

And there is.

A lot of our suffering comes from expecting other people to meet our needs for us.

Of course relationships are important, and there are certain things that you simply can't do by yourself like have a wonderful conversation with someone who thinks differently than you or receive a hug. It's simply different hugging yourself than getting one from someone else.

But all of your needs, the core emotional desires that you have in your life to feel safe, happy, and whole, can ABSOLUTELY be your responsibility to own 100%.

You might be looking at the screen with skeptical face right now, and I know what that looks like, because when I encountered this concept, I wanted to look for all of the exceptions.

Ultimately, though? It's true. I can meet every single one of my emotional needs.

As Brooke Castillo says in her book If I'm So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight?,

"Being with someone who has no expectations of how you should behave and just loves you for who you are MAKES IT EASY TO GIVE."

This one really struck me.

Let me give you an example.

My fiance, Marque, is very loving and generous. We make a point to connect on a daily basis, to laugh, to hug, to check in on each other's existential experience, to trade half-serious / half-self aware commentary on what we see in the world.

I really love the guy.

And sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I really want him to tell me I'm doing a good job or that "this is just temporary" and give me a big hug.

There's nothing inherently wrong with receiving this reassurance. It's REALLY nice to get support from others. Shocker.

What's NOT a good idea is if I pin my happiness on whether Marque does this thing I want, exactly the way I want him to.

Expecting him to give me what I want simply because I want it and not because it's something he genuinely wants to do, in his own way and in his own time, is a recipe for disappointment. I know this from experience.

It doesn't serve either one of us to say he must do something in order for me to be happy.

My happiness is under my control, and it's completely my responsibility. Entirely.

If I want someone to tell me that I'm doing a good job and something challenging is only temporary, I'm perfectly capable of saying it to myself.

And you know what happens when I do?

I feel better!

I say it exactly the way I want to hear it, with just the right emphasis in just the right places, and I suddenly realize I can make myself happy at any time.

Then, when Marque pops into my office to see how I'm doing or give me a hug, I get to FULLY ENJOY the experience of receiving love from him without any strings attached.

I firmly believe this:

When we look at others and want something from them, what we're really doing is looking in a mirror at what we want from ourselves.

And when all we see is what we want, the other person disappears behind that mirror.

You give yourself the greatest gift in the world, you get more done, and you improve every relationship when you take full responsibility for your own happiness and wellbeing.

That doesn't mean you don't have deep, connecting relationships.

It doesn't mean you never ask for help or share the burden of chores, work, or decisions.

It doesn't mean you stop appreciating loving gestures from friends, family, and partners.

In fact, taking responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing means that you appreciate, enjoy, and seek out help and connection more readily.

Try this out for a single day, and I'm certain you'll feel better if you truly believe in the way you're meeting a need for yourself.

Don't tell yourself a fake, exaggerated thing you don't believe.

Truly find something you love and appreciate in yourself you can offer to yourself in a tough moment.

Think it through, and keep it in your back pocket for an emotional emergency - which is going to happen at some point.

Let yourself experience the joy of giving and receiving more love by growing your capacity to give it to yourself.

Big, warm vibes,


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